It’s taken me all but thirty-nine years to get here. Amid a worldwide shutdown, semi mandatory vaccines, and the collective’s emotions rolling from wave to wave, I’m ready to consciously conceive.
Consciously conceiving to me means that you are aware of your intergenerational traumas and behaviorisms. You have worked on releasing and breaking the patterns in your family’s karmic lineage. Or you are currently working on releasing and breaking the patterns because healing is not linear. You are making a conscious choice to be aware of your emotional patterns that can and will affect your child’s mental, spiritual, and emotional health. And above all else, doing something about it.
I’ve had options in my life to become a mother with ex-partners who would have been great fathers. Yet, it didn’t always feel right. Even though there was a lot of love from both sides. Last year I received two love offerings from text messages to phone calls of, ‘I am ready to be with you. I will sell my business and we will travel the world together!’ from two past boyfriends. I was grateful for such enthusiasm but then again, it didn’t feel right. I guess a worldwide panic, virus, disruption, and shut down will make you reflect on a lot of things and people, huh?
I made a conscious choice to be single during my awakening journey for the last six years or so. Being in a relationship with another person takes work. Being in a relationship with yourself takes dedication. I didn’t want any distractions while I discerned every single morsel of emotions inside of me. But 2017 happened and I allowed my heart to open up to a German fellow who I met in South America on a bus from Copacabana. Romantic, right?
It was magical. He claimed he was an electrician. One who sparked my interest because of his knowledge of certain crystals, stones, and numerology. We spent a glorious four days together in La Paz, Bolivia only to separate because our predetermined paths called. He cried at our last dinner on the third…